Happy Valentine's Day Stitches
by cyberspyderweb
Summary: Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Oh so cute Akatsuki Valentine's Day ramble. Mostly about Hidan and Kakuzu. Rated T for Hidan's big dirty potty mouth! Sorry no Yaoi this time!


Disclaimer: I would like to disclaim everything that doesn't belong to me! And I do like to dis and claim stuff! Does that make sense? Who knows?

Sorry this is late but I was stuck on you tube. I had a fight with someone over a really controversial video. I offended her by accident. But I apologized and now we're friends. :) Yay! See things work out when your the bigger person and do what's right. Now on to the story. Thanks for reading my rant if you did. :)

This is just a small V-Day ramble of the Akatsuki crew, enjoy. I think it turned out cheesy but read it anyways! lol

**Happy Valentine's Day Stitches!**

Hidan was finished his ritual and now cleaning up the mess when Kakuzu walked into the room they shared.

"Why of all places in this house, why do you insist that your ritual has to be preformed here?"

Hidan looked up at him from the floor where he was wiping up his fresh blood that he had just spilt for his Jashin religion. He glared at his older partner and then smirked.

"Well this is my fucking room too you know. And in my religion we have to keep our prayer places clean. To do the ritual in a friggin' unclean place is a crime against Jashin!"

"So why does it have to be in here?"

"This is the fucking cleanest place in the house! Plus everyone fucking complains when I do it anywhere else in this shit hole of a house! Their a pack of wild shit eating heathens!"

"I always complain when you do your crazy shit in here, that doesn't seem to stop you!"

"Fuck you! You just like to freakin' complain about everything anyways! This is my fucking room too!"

"Your blood stained my throw rug and now it's ruined!"

"Whatever it's a friggin' throw rug! Fucking buy a new one!"

"Hidan do you know how much that throw rug was?"

"No, but I know your about to fucking tell me right?"

"What ever just don't bother me, I need to do some accounting." He walked over to his desk.

Hidan finished cleaning up his mess and bitched and complained as usual. He stood up.

"There are you happy now you 'Anal Stitched Tight Wad'?"

Kakuzu just ignored him and kept to his work, punching in numbers on his calculator and writing down figures. This made Hidan mad! If there was one thing in the world that made him mad it was being ignored. Well all most everything in the world pissed him off, but this was at the top of the list.

"Are you fucking listening to me you old fart!" Hidan fumed.

Still no answer.

"Fucking fine! Whatever be a fucking pouting two year old! I don't have to friggin' put up with this shit! You do realize that your the one being fucking immature by not answering right?" Still no answer. "Fuck you Zukaka!" He yelled and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

"And he thinks I'm the one being immature." He said out loud to himself as he kept to his work.

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater.

Hidan was downstairs and going to the kitchen for something to eat. He went to the fridge and found old pizza from yesterday. He grabbed three pieces and not bothering to heat it up sat down at the table. Kisame and Tobi were there. Kisame was eating more cold pizza and Tobi was making cards out of markers and paper. They did own a microwave but well were just too lazy to put in the effort to use it. Plus it totally hated Hidan. That's what he thought anyways. It would either over cook his food to shit black or under cook it to, well, he always says it's colder then when he put it in, if that's even possible.

"Look Hidan Tobi's making Valentine's cards for everyone!"

"Well Good for fucking you pumpkin head!"

"Lay off Hidan! He's trying to be nice. It's cute in strange kinda weird crazy way, but nice." Kisame said taking another bite of his cold pizza.

"Fucking whatever!"

"What's got your balls in a vice?" Kisame smirked.

"Fish stick do you want me to sacrifice you to Jashin?"

"No Hidan! Pein said no killing on Valentine's Day!"

"Yah. Hidan! So what did you do now that Kakuzu is pissed at you?"

"WTF is that supposed to mean?"

"You only get bitchy to the world when Kakuzu is mad at you, because he ignores you."

"Mind your own fucking business you big blue bastard!"

"Hidan Tobi thinks you should write Kakuzu a Valentine's card and get him a present to say sorry! Look Tobi is giving everyone presents too! Konan took me shopping yesterday at Wal-mart!"

"Tobi go fu.."

"Hidan! Do you want Pein to take Valentine's Day out on you? He already sent Konan flowers, chocolates, balloons, a large stuffed bear and lingerie! She still won't forgive him for last year! So just make Tobi happy!"

"Konan gave Tobi all her presents! Yay Tobi! Tobi loves Valentine's Day!" Tobi nodded as he was cutting out shapes from the paper.

"Yah, what fucking happened last year again?"

"Well it went like this..." Kisame explained.

Flash back Valentine's style! With LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sounds like Gai doesn't it?)

Konan just looked at Pein with the coldest glare he had ever seen her with. He was even too scared to move. Everyone in the room was quiet too scared to even breathe.

"Pein why don't you just admit you forgot Valentine's Day once more?!?"

"Uh, ... I love you?"

"It's ten o'clock at night!"

Konan stood up and her cracked her knuckles while looking at him like he was grated hamburger.

"Pein you gave me a card that says Congratulations It's A Boy! Flowers from the neighbors garden! A diet Coke and a bag of Doritos! Tobi gave me a better present! By the way thank you Tobi I really wanted a new G.I. Joe action figure!" Konan handed her things from Pein and gave them to Tobi. "Do you have anything to say Pein?!?"

"... I love you?"

"Yay! Tobi is a boy!" Tobi yelled as he waved the congratulations card around for everyone to see.

Konan rubbed her temple with one hand "Tobi today is a special day, let's go out to eat just me and you."

"Tobi wants to go to Mc Donald's for a Happy meal!"

"Where ever you want to go." She glared at Pein as she left the house with Tobi.

End Flash back of LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Yah, and then Pein was so freakin' cranky for a month. Man I was glad when Konan finally gave in! That was pure hell."

"Look Kisame I made a snowflakes!" Tobi held up his art.

"Good boy Tobi, but your supposed to make hearts."

"Hidan you should buy him something he really wants and get him a card! You have to be nice on Valentine's Day!" Tobi looked at Hidan.

"Why the fuck would I do that?" Hidan glared

"You made him mad at you. When I make Pein, Itachi, Konan, Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, Zetsu, and Hidan mad, Tobi is sad! But Tobi says he's sorry and it makes Tobi happy again!"

"You know the pumpkin head has a good point for once."Kisame said taking a sip of his Coke.

"Kisame only Hidan calls me pumpkin head! That's his cute word for Tobi!"

Hidan was finished his pizza and thought for a moment. He got up to leave. "I'll be back later."

"Fine. Hey pick up some beer while your at it." Kisame looked up at him.

"Huh, why?"

"Just in case Konan still doesn't forgive Pein."

"Right!"

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater.

Hidan came back from the store. He dropped off the four cases of beer and took his things up stairs. The room was empty, Kakuzu was already done his accounting and was downstairs, supper was ready. When they were eating dessert Tobi handed out all his Valentine's cards to everyone. Everyone was given chocolate and new Akatsuki cloaks. Pein wanted everyone to read theirs out loud much to their so not wanting too.

First was Diedara.

"Okay, un?"

'Roses are red ,

Violets are blue un,

The clay you make is art,

If I gave my heart you'd blow it all apart, un!'

And with it his small present was silly putty.

He nodded "Un, thank you Tobi, that was thoughtful, un?" He in turn gave Tobi a chocolate heart, some crayons and a couple of coloring books..

Second Hidan:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

You are awesome,

Happy Valentine's to you and Jashin!

And with it he got a Voodoo doll and pins.

He nodded "Good choice pumpkin head I could use this for Jashin." He in turn gave him a Jashin Bible, that Pein later took away when Tobi wasn't looking.

Third Kisame:

Rose are red,

Violets are blue,

Tobi likes your fishies,

So Tobi got a Tobi fishie just for you!

And he did get a small Tobi gold fish.

Kisame smiled "Cool thanks Tobi i'll run up and put Tobi in right now!" Tobi laughed because it sounded funny. Kisame gave him a Rubik's cube and a stuffed Nemo fish.

Fourth Kakuzu:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Deidara stole your thread,

So Tobi got some new!

And he did get more Medical Thread.

Kakuzu nodded "This is really appreciated Tobi" As he glared at Deidara, the blond sank down in his chair. Kakuzu gave Tobi his own calculator.

Fifth Itachi:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Tobi knows your a perv,

so another Icha Icha book for you!

Itachi blushed a deep red "Thank you Tobi." He in turn gave Tobi Hooked on phonics book set. Probably so one day he too could read the Icha Icha series, Itachi is such a perv! (hehehe)

Sixth Sasori:

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Tobi made a puppet baby,

Just for you!

And it was indeed a baby puppet!

Sasori looked confused "Uh, thank you Tobi" And he gave Tobi a Little ninja People bus set. Pein broke the first one and Zetsu ate it.

Seventh Zetsu

Your roses are red,

Your violets are blue,

Tobi likes the both of you,

Here's a baby Bonsai just for you!

And it was a Bonsai.

"Thank you Tobi" White side. "I'm name it Marty!" Black side. He gave Tobi Chia Pet. Later Pein ordered it to be kept outside.

Eighth: Konan

Rose are red,

Violets are blue,

Tobi got you a G.I Joe,

So now you have 2!

Well at least this was the only girl one.

"Oh, thank you Tobi how thoughtful of you! I'll give you your after Pein opens his." She went over and hugged him.

Ninth Pein:

Roses are red,

violets are blue,

You are the leader,

Tobi got you alot of pens for all 6 of you.

Pein looked at the 20 pack of glittery multi-colored gel pens. He nodded. "Thank you Tobi"

Tobi yelled happily "Your welcome Daddy Pein."

"I thought we talked about you saying that already?" Pein looked at Tobi not to pleased.

"Oh, just let him say that just for the rest of the day" Konan smiled as she wrapped her arms around Pein and kissed his cheek.

"That was very thoughtful of you Tobi. And now we got you something too. Here you go." She handed him a big box.

Tobi took the box and read the card.

To: Tobi your such a good boy!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Deidara blew up your Game Cube,

So here's a X-Box-360 for you!

Tobi opened the box and hugged it. "Thank you mommy Konan and daddy Pein! Tobi loves it! Tobi is a good boy and a lucky boy! Yay Tobi!"

"Sasori and Kisame go help him set it up." Pein ordered. They didn't want to but did it anyways, because it was an order.

"X-box 360? We fucking got chocolate and cloaks!" Hidan complained, but was shut up immediately by Pein's warning look.

The rest cleaned up after dinner and all went to go try the X-Box with Tobi and drink the beer. Kakuzu went upstairs to retire for the night. Jashin knows what time Hidan would start his morning rituals or how much blood he would spill.

He opened the bedroom door and went to his side of the room. He removed his masked men from his back and laid them to rest in the corner. He stripped and got ready for bed. Right when he was going to lay down he found a large wrapped up throw rug on his bed with a card attached. He read it.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

I ruined your carpet so here's a fucking new one you old money grabbing tight wad! I spent fucking two hours looking for it! It wasn't fucking cheap either so you better friggin enjoy it! Then I had to fucking spend another thirty minutes picking out this shit empty card! Money doesn't fucking grow on trees you know! I'll try not to get my friggin' blood on it from now on! I'll try to keep my rituals quiet until you get up! Happy Fucking Valentine's Day Stitches!

P.S. This was that little fucking pumpkin heads idea. Plus Pein said we're not allowed to kill anyone today. There that was my nice for the fucking year so don't expect me to do anything more!

Kakuzu smirked and pulled out his new rug. He rolled the old one up, he would throw it out tomorrow. He placed the new one down. It really was a beautiful rug, shag fringes and made from intertwined fabric. He had to smile at the fact that it was bright red though. Hidan was thinking it wouldn't get stained from hid bloody rituals. Sometimes just when you think Hidan will never learn he does something that amazes you. Kakuzu went to bed and left his little V-day present on Hidan's bed. It was silver varnish for his scythe and just had a simple card made by Tobi. He soon he fell asleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The End-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cute Huh? Yah I finally got it done! Yay Spyder! Spyder's a good girl! lol Happy Valentine's day to everyone. Sorry this was so freakin' cheesy but hey not all stories Rock, right? But at least I finished my V-day story. Three minutes after it ended:) This was my small V-Day ramble, Thanks for reading!


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